Grief is hard any time of year, but sometimes these minor holidays can feel particularly cruel. If you’re trying to cheer someone up this Valentine’s Day, this comic is for you. If you’d like to let folks know what *doesn’t* help (and what to do instead), this comic is for you, too. Illustrator Brittany Bilyeu and I teamed up to share some tips on how to make Valentine’s Day a little more gentle – for everyone.
Most people want to help, they just aren’t sure how. By sharing this post (and others from the RIG archives), we help everyone get better at delivering the love and support they intend.
How do you help a grieving friend on Valentine's Day? The cool news is you don’t have to be brilliant or omniscient (omniscient sentiment is kinda weird anyway). A card that says the obvious is awesome. Click To TweetTo get even better at giving support, spend some time looking around this site. There’s a lot of good stuff here for grieving people and those who want to support them. Check out this page for an orientation to all the awesome to be found.
Head over to illustrator Brittany Bilyeu’s awesome shop to see more of her work. And be sure to check out our Writing Your Grief course – it’s the best place to tell the truth about your grief. Come see.
How about you? What’s hard about Valentine’s Day in your world? What are some of the best cards and messages you’ve received? Let us know in the comments.
The love of my life, Patricia, was diagnosed with terminal, inoperable cervical cancer on Valentines day 2018, and given 12-18 months to live. She lasted almost 20. She died at home on 10/6/ 2019. We met years ago on Christmas eve. To say that this holiday season has been brutal is possibly the understatement of my life. I’m appreciating your book. I haven’t quite finished it yet as reading is more difficult than it used to be but then so is everything except crying and wishing that I wasn’t here anymore. I already had reasons for not liking Valentines day before. I may write more later.
Leo
My first valentines day was hell. I knew it was going to be hard but did not expect how hard it truely was. I had bought earings and chocolates and a card to him. I thought that i was ready. I was not.
I have his pillow wrapped in his robe, I held it and danced with “him” to The dance by Garth Brooks. I kept thinking how crazy it is that the pillow and robe are of such comfort to me.
I am on this grief journey alone because my partner, best friend confident is not here. He would be the one walking with me down this dark and winding road but he’s the reason that I’m here.
Kathy
My husband, Mark, died on Christmas Day this past year and I feel like the I have barely taken a breath.
Now I feel sick to my stomach thinking about Valentine’s Day and the social media activity that will be slapping me in the face all weekend. I can turn it off and I know post after post will show for weeks to follow so there really is no escape except a complete shutdown which isn’t possible because of my employment.
Mark and I were never even into Valentine’s Day and maybe that is because we were so solid in our love for one another that we didn’t need a designated day.
The image of Valentine’s Day now comes to me as a broken heart and it is 24 hours in time I would sincerely like to time travel through and forget for 2021.
my husband just died Nov 2022. so this is my first Valentine’s day without him in over 25 years. I’m a widow at 48 and that in itself is just incomprehensible. I have 3 kids. I am totally lost. I busy myself with the kids, the dog, the house.. but as soon as it’s quiet I lose my mind. I do not understand how I am here now, like this…. when we should’ve had so much more time together.