Megan Devine is a psychotherapist, writer, grief advocate, and the founder of Refuge In Grief. She is dedicated to helping people live through the things they never thought they’d face.
We’re starting to see discussion of what “the year without hugs” is doing to people. Humans need touch. It’s that simple.
This is something many grieving people have known for a long time (especially widowed folks). Sometimes we call this “skin-hunger” – that absence of physical touch and the loss and longing that absence creates.
From The Guardian: “As adults, we may not comprehend the importance of touch even when it disappears. “We might begin to realise that something is missing, but we won’t always know that it’s touch,” says Prof Francis McGlone, a neuroscientist based at Liverpool John Moores University and a leader in the field of affective touch. “But when we talk about the problem of loneliness, we often ignore the obvious: what lonely people aren’t getting is touch.”
Obviously, this is a big issue in this global pandemic pause. For people living alone, there has been a void-of-touch for nearly a year now.
How has the lack of touch affected you – this last year and in your grief itself? Let us know in the comments.
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Hi, I read your book and its helping me think, I lost my Wife Susan Christmas Eve 2020. I took her to the hospital for treatment on the 21st of Dec. 3am for pain she continued to have for a few days even after going to the Dr. previously and after spending the entire day in the hallway of an ER she finally got a room that evening which I couldn’t go to because of the pandemic. Little did I know that the kiss over the mask before she left for her room was the last I would talk to her. So much happened to her after that day I couldn’t even get her on a phone. We would have celebrated 47 yrs. this year. Each day without her is is beyond anything in this world for me.
I’m so sorry for the hole in your heart and the empty feeling you must have. Thank you for sharing your story which will be an ongoing story. It may or may not help to know that so many others have had similar stories. The narrative you have for your story is your unique narrative and may also change from time to time.
For many of us men, such as me, it is sometimes difficult to identify the emotions (which will change from time to time) related to our loss or our narrative about it. From my experience, gradually acknowledging the emotion without dwelling on it is the most helpful. Your timing is the right timing for doing whatever you do as you continue in your grief.