As many of you have experienced first hand, our culture doesn’t know how to “do” grief. We have this over-arching idea that grief is a problem that needs to be solved, therefore all our attempts to “help” are about getting someone out of their grief. Unfortunately, when you try to take someone’s grief away, you…
Blog
who deserves to know about your grief?
This week, I greet the 2 year anniversary of moving to Oregon. At this time last year, I still felt so new to the area. It was still such a strange thing to introduce myself to people who had never known Matt, and had never known who I was before. When I first moved here, I…
what wildfires have to do with grief
As I write this post, a thick haze fills the air. My throat is sore. Wildfires are burning in Eastern Oregon, their smoke and ash filtering the sunlight here, so many miles away. The wind shifts, and my eyes sting. As I pout about not being able to bike around today (the air quality makes…
gardens of grief
This is my first growing season out here at my new house, so I’m spending a lot of time in the garden. As always, I’ve planted far too much. My need to plant everything is not new. But before Matt died, I could use at least some of the season’s harvest to feed my family. Back…
Love doesn't solve anything. And love is all we have.
My dear friend and long-time editor, Beth, died last week after living through cancer for the last year. She was – well, she was my friend, and my editor, and as she often said, one of my biggest fans. We spent many hours talking about both grief and writing. My last email to her, after she…
wills are for the living. do you have yours?
I remember the day my parents sat down to write out their wills. I was probably 9 or so years old. I remember how tense they were. How scared. Facing the prospect of death, actually sitting down and planning for what would happen should that happen, was terrifying for them. They haven’t touched those…
kids & grief
I’ve been thinking a lot about kids lately. Your kids. My kid. All of these young people who have lost someone close to them. My step-son turned eighteen the day after his father died. Not super young, but in many ways, still a child. The outside world saw him as an adult that day. He…
grief is no fairy tale
I was out walking this morning, un-characteristically strapped into my ipod, listening to an interview. I say un-characteristically because I’m typically too interested in hearing birds, or working through something in my mind to listen to other things. That, and figuring out where the ipod is, if it’s charged, and how I can keep it…