Facing the Grief Caused By Systemic Racism and Misogyny
Can you help dismantle hate? Even when you’re grieving?
8 new grieving families, and a wider grieving community. One incident of hate among many.
Racism and misogyny create grief.
Racism and misogyny are vast issues with lots of moving parts. As a white person with a whole lot of privilege, I can’t begin to speak to this unfolding grief, nor to what the Asian community needs other than for people to stop being violent racist pricks. One little post from me isn’t going to make change happen. But I can encourage you to practice listening, practice responding to the pain in the world with more skill and deeper understanding.
When grief is fresh and new, it can be hard to lift your gaze to the wider world, especially if you’re not part of the targeted group. Certainly hard to find the energy to protest, petition, advocate, and educate. The work of dismantling racism, bigotry, and misogyny is not just for those who have the energy to do so, though. In small acts, in the ways you treat yourself and others, you have the power to help make change happen. Grief aligns us with grief, and that’s a solid starting point.
How do you listen to pain in yourself and in others?
Do you jump in (even in your mind) to assess, judge, or victim blame? It’s ok if you do – we’re breaking old engrained habits here. What’s important is to recognize that you’re doing it, and then make a conscious decision to behave differently. Discounting and dismissing pain is a habit, and habits can be changed. When you catch yourself doing it, replace that first thought with something else. Even something as simple as “they’re in pain” can help interrupt that habitual dismissive response. You’re probably going to have some feelings after you acknowledge that pain, but that is ok: grief aligns us with grief.
The work of dismantling racism, bigotry, and misogyny is not just for those who have the energy to do so. In small acts, in the ways you treat yourself and others, you have the power to help make change happen. Grief aligns us with… Click To TweetWhat’s actually going to change if we start responding to pain in better ways?
Good gods, what *won’t* change? For one, we’ll start dealing with racism and misogyny instead of chalking it up to a few “bad actors” or blaming violence on “mental health issues.” You can’t truly hear someone’s pain without being moved to take action – in small, personal ways or larger systemic ones.
And if you’re wondering how that change of habits helps YOU in your own grief?
I mean. How cool would it be if the world responded to your grief with skill and grace, instead of the typical “at least you had them as long as you did” or “you’re resilient! You’ll be fine.” The world changes one person at a time. The kindness and grace I want for you is the kindness and grace I want for the person next to you, and the person next to them. Violence happens person to person. So does love.
If you’ve got something to share about how *you* find ways to act in service of a just and equitable world in your own small ways, let us know in the comments.
