What’s ONE thing you miss about who you used to be? This is different from what you miss about your person. In a lot of ways, the person you were dies too – when you lose someone close, or you get a life-changing diagnosis, etc. I miss believing that things would work out –…
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Friends don’t know how to support you? Let me help.
Less-than-helpful support from friends and family is one of the biggest causes of suffering inside grief. It’s not that they (usually) mean to be insensitive, they just don’t know how to help. Thing is, you don’t have the bandwidth to teach them better skills. That means you don’t get the support you need, and your…
What the “Year Without Hugs” Taught Us About Our Need For Physical Touch
Megan Devine is a psychotherapist, writer, grief advocate, and the founder of Refuge In Grief. She is dedicated to helping people live through the things they never thought they’d face. We’re starting to see discussion of what “the year without hugs” is doing to people. Humans need touch. It’s that simple. This is something many…
What Vanessa’s Bryant’s Grief Shaming Says About Our Culture
Megan Devine is a psychotherapist, writer, grief advocate, and the founder of Refuge In Grief. She is dedicated to helping people live through the things they never thought they’d face. Journalists: skip using “still” when you refer to someone’s grief. This week marks the first anniversary of Kobe Bryant’s death. Vanessa Bryant will carry grief…
CNN reporter breaks down in tears during report on coronavirus in California
So much spiraling loss. This is why we have such a “cheer people up / it’s not that bad / buck up and move on” approach to grief: it’s really, really hard to keep your eyes open to actual pain. It’s easier to put up a wall, distance yourself, look away, blame the griever for…
What does systemic racism have to do with grieving a loved one?
What does systemic racism have to do with grieving a loved one? Systemic racism is a massive topic and I’m glad you’re curious about it. Just to scratch the surface: medical errors affect people of color at statistically higher rates than white folks. The maternal death rate for Black women is orders of magnitude higher…
When Time Passes Too Fast (& they didn’t die ‘last year’ anymore)
The new year has only just begun, but it already feels like time is moving too fast. Unless I’m focused on the pandemic, then it’s all moving too slowly. That’s one of the odd things about time – the tick-tick-tick of seconds is the same for everyone, but the perceived pacing of those seconds? That’s…
How are you holding up this holiday season?
Holiday season check-in! How are you holding up? By “holding up,” I don’t mean appearing okay to those around you. I don’t mean soldiering through as though everything were normal (not that anything is normal right now). I never do enjoy pretending. By “holding up,” I guess I mean – how’s your heart? How do…