From The Washington Post: “After my son died, I got really afraid that people would maybe judge me or think about me in the way that history has remembered Mary Lincoln,” she said. Which is to say, she was afraid they would think she was “crazy.” In her lifetime, the former first lady lost her…
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Loneliness Shaming Is Real, Let’s Call It Out
“Use this time alone to get more comfortable with yourself!” “You have to be ok being alone before you look to other people.” Have you heard this stuff inside your grief? Whether you’re hearing it from people when you say you miss your person, or you’re struggling with the enforced alone-ness of the pandemic, bizarre…
how to carry what can’t be fixed: a new journal for grief
Grief books that don’t try to fix you or cheer you up are pretty hard to find. It’s been 4 years since my first book, It’s OK that You’re Not OK came out. That book is still tops on best seller lists, reaching more people who need it every day with its no platitudes, no…
Have You Heard You’re Not Alone in Your Grief? It Isn’t Really True.
I write and speak about grief pretty much all day, every day. My written words and audio programs are meant to give some measure of comfort to those in pain. Writing about my own grief, writing into grief, lets me tell you that you are not alone. But here’s where language gets tricky, especially in…
How do you help someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness?
How do you help someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness? The temptation is to cheerlead. That entire cancer lexicon can be so damaging: “Be strong.” “Fight hard.” “No negative thoughts.” “Hold a positive outcome in your head.” All of that is valid and I’m not saying don’t do it. What I am…
Language and grief: the backhanded judgement of ableist erasure
Just as grieving people are often told, “At least they aren’t in pain anymore” or “They’re in a better place,” those grieving the death of a person with disabilities or physical differences are often told things like “At least their body is ‘perfect’ now.” If you’ve been around here a while, maybe you automatically hear…
Trans people will not be erased. (and here’s why you should care)
Not sure why you should care about issues facing Transgender people? Whether you’re annoyed or just curious, this post is for you. Today is International Transgender Day of Visibility, so I’m republishing a post from a couple of years ago. The issues haven’t changed. On a post about discrimination around trans rights on instagram, someone…
Grieving people are “looking forward” to different things once the pandemic eases
As it begins to seem like maybe, possibly the world is going to start to reopen and life will begin to move forward again this summer, lots of people are talking about what they’re looking forward to. This is a complicated topic for grieving folks, many of whom are meeting this big news with all…