Death is not a fair trade for the life you build After.

“His work here on earth was done.” “Their death has made you into the person you are today!”

In the comments section of every story of loss (at least on huge media platforms), you’ll see these kinds of omniscient, resilience-baiting, garbage remarks.

No one needed their person to die in order to become “who they were meant be.” No one needed to lose their life so someone else could shine more fully.
Life is not transactional like that. Death is not a fair trade for the life you build After.

If you claim a path for yourself as a result of your loss, that’s wonderful. When other people tell you you needed this loss in order to find that path – just NO.

Trying to support someone? Don’t ascribe meaning to their loss, let them choose meaning. Don’t reduce their experience to a transaction. And also? Stuff like “their work here was done”? How do you know? Omniscient statements are not helpful.

What is helpful? Depends on the relationship, but 3000% guaranteed if you don’t know the person at all, “I’m sorry that happened. Sending love and support through the screen” is a pretty good sentiment to share.

How about you? Have you been told you needed to “learn something important” because of your loss or that you you needed this loss in order to find your path? What things have you been forced to learn that you really did not need to know?⁣

flame-heart-100Wishing for some company inside your grief? Now, as always, the very best place I know to connect YOU with other grieving folks is inside the Writing Your Grief community. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, there is always someone there: when you feel invisible inside your grief, these folks see you. Follow this link to join us. We’ve got room for you.