Do You Have to be Nice?

How many times in your life have you heard “Hey! Don’t say that!! BE NICE!”??

If you’re like many people, you’ve heard that phrase so many times, you say it to yourself every time you’re annoyed or upset by something. It’s an automatic reflex.

“Be nice” is what we tell ourselves when the truth feels too harsh to say out loud.

“Be nice” is what other people say when they’re afraid you’ll upset the status quo, or make things weird when you call someone out on their actions.

And “be nice” gets aimed at grieving people when we complain that, no matter how “well intentioned,” certain things just feel like crap.

Things like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “at least you had them as long as you did” feel dismissive and rude because they ARE dismissive and rude.

But you can’t just say that to someone.

Can you?

There’s a section on “being nice” in my new book that comes out next year. Being nice is such a pervasive admonishment – “you can’t tell that person they’re being rude! That wouldn’t be nice!”

In this video, I take apart that whole idea of what it really means to be nice, and what to be instead:

How about you? What’s your experience with being “nice”? Watch the video, then head into the comments to this post and share your thoughts. As always, you don’t have to be nice – even in the comments.

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