Every Loss is Valid and Every Loss is Not the Same

Everybody gets to have their own loss be the worst loss in the world for them because it is.

But we get into tricky territory when we start comparing losses and say that one loss is worse than another. One thing that is 100% true is every loss is valid and every loss is NOT the same.

Where this gets really, really tricky is when, for example, you look at somebody whose baby died at 39 weeks for no known cause, and we say, “I know exactly how you feel. My dog died two years ago, and it’s exactly the same.”

Comparing those losses, thinking that we’re being of comfort, is not helpful for anybody.

For the grieving person, that gets received as you equating your dog with their baby. That’s never going to end well.

But if we say that to the person who is grieving the loss of their dog – because we undervalue grief of all kinds in this culture – the person who’s grieving the loss of their dog will push back and say, “Wait a minute. You’re just saying the loss of my dog isn’t important.”

Do you see how terrible this gets so quickly?

If we honor all loss as valid, because all loss is valid, and don’t compare them, then we don’t need to get into these arguments of who has it worse. Then we’re already starting to make things better for everybody.

If we think of compassion as an abundant resource, which it is, and we’re able to offer compassion to anybody who says, “Ow,” without asking them to prove that their pain is valid, then we start to get the world that we all most want, which is a world where there is enough compassion and love and understanding for everybody.

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