Want to know why I started Refuge in Grief? I got so sick of being told there was a lesson here, that I clearly needed the sudden, accidental death of my love in order to learn something. I got so angry hearing how people in pain are lectured, dismissed, judged, corrected. I needed a place…
Blog
“Shouldn’t you be over that by now?” How to respond to judgment with both grace & clarity.
How can I deal with people who expect me to be “over this” already? My fiancée died almost two years ago. How can I convince them it’s alright that I’m not “over it”? Though this question was sent by one reader, lots of people struggle with this issue. I bet you’ve had at least a few…
"Shouldn't you be over that by now?" How to respond to judgment with both grace & clarity.
. A newsletter reader sent me this question: How can I deal with people who expect me to be “over this” already? My fiancée died almost two years ago. How can I convince them it’s alright that I’m not “over it”? Though this question was sent by one reader, lots of people struggle with this…
comes around: grief & the elasticity of time.
. Grief does strange things to your personal timeline. Events that happen now, wherever you are in your grief, loop back and connect with the past, connect with your own early days of loss. The past, the present, the futures that can no longer happen – they all intersect and weave around each other. Writing…
members only: How Do I Know if My Writing Will Matter to Anyone Else?
. This post is part of a series on how to share your writing with the larger world. These posts are visible only to members of our online community. Right now, non-members will see a log-in page when they click on this post, and that default log-in shows up on the regular blog overview page.…
a car is not a car: selling the stories of our life.
. So many changes erupt after a death. Some of them we can control, somewhat. Others we can’t. Most of Matt’s belongings were divided up in the first months after he died. (do I need to say how deeply unpleasant that was? The insanity of it all? Another day, perhaps.) But no matter how many…
when your person is missing…
. It’s going to be a short post today for your Monday. I didn’t mean for it to be. I planned on sitting down to write this afternoon after a good, full morning. But when Boris and I were out for an early walk, I noticed a solid looking futon sitting in a neighbor’s yard…
this diminished life: how do I go on after this death?
Have you lost all interest in this life, now that the one you love is dead? Seriously, why should you care about anything? How can anything be even remotely “good” again, in this diminished life? I answered a reader’s question on how to find interest in this life she didn’t ask for; the original is…