Why Am I Here? The Reason for Refuge in Grief.

Want to know why I started Refuge in Grief?

I got so sick of being told there was a lesson here, that I clearly needed the sudden, accidental death of my love in order to learn something.

I got so angry hearing how people in pain are lectured, dismissed, judged, corrected.

I needed a place to punch back at all the voices saying “there must have been a reason for this.”


So I made a platform to say: No. There was no “reason.” You did nothing to deserve this; you did not ‘need’ this in any way.

I made Refuge in Grief so I could tell you, again and again: fucked up shit happens, and I am so, so sorry that it happened to you. 

Everything I do here is for you. Everything I write, produce, create, offer, sell, give: it’s all a way for me to acknowledge the eruption of pain in your life. To look at it, to see it, to tell you I see it, without changing it, fixing it, talking you out of it, or telling you you clearly needed to grow.

Are you new here to this site?

Click on back through the blog archives or mess around with the suggested blog posts at the end of this post. There is so much here for you.

I made an audio program to help you live this life that’s asked of you. You can find it here. It’s some of my best work.

The newest offering here on the site is the 30 day Writing Your Grief e-course. New sessions open up every 6 weeks or so, and registration is currently open for the next course. Every single day, beautiful powerful writing comes out of this course. Even if you tend to stay away from any kind of group activities, this group is one to join. It’s even safe for introverts and other non-sharing types.

I also have limited time on my weekly calendar for one-to-one support, either by phone or Skype. If you’d like to talk about the reality of grief, and love, and life, please consider working with me. More information is on the individual grief support page.

Okay, that’s it for today, folks. Lots of new things coming, lots of new ways to support and connect with you are in the works.

Thank you for being here. And I wish I knew you for an entirely different reason.

Some posts to get you started if you’re new, and some refreshers if you’ve been here before:

What’s the “work” of grief work?

lessons, lessons, lessons: some sh*t you just don’t need to learn.

alone in grief: no one can be where you are.