Sex, grief, and pleasure: dating after death

Joy, pleasure, sex... these all seem out of reach, or maybe even inappropriate, if you're grieving - right? 

Talking about sexuality inside grief is one of the last big taboos. It brings together three things we don't always get to talk about openly - death, sex, and grief. Maybe you're not sure what's supposed to happen to your sex drive when someone dies. Maybe you're afraid of being judged. Or maybe you're just not comfortable talking about two intimate, important parts of your life with, well, anyone: 

"Grieving people already feel misunderstood. They already receive so much unsolicited advice and judgment from everyone. Talking about something as intimate as your sex life when you already feel judged in your grief?  It's just not going to happen."

Talking about sex and grief isn't going to happen unless we make it OKAY to talk about. 

Look, sex is part of life. Your sex drive doesn't evaporate after someone dies, but it might get more complicated. Dating as a widowed person is... complicated. Sex - or desire - after surviving a death can also feel complicated. In fact, any kind of pleasure can seem weird when you're grieving a loss. 

On ⁣Elle Stanger's podcast, They Talk Sex, Megan and Elle discuss the many ways grief impacts relationships, including feelings of shame or guilt, as well as changes to libido and sexual preferences after the death of a partner.

If you've had questions about intimate relationships after the death of someone you love, or you have opinions about someone else's dating or sex life after they experienced a big loss, don't miss this conversation. It's a candid, enlightening, validating exploration of sex and grief. 

Megan and Elle cover sex, pleasure, and dating after the death of a spouse or partner, but this conversation is for anyone who wonders about the ways grief impacts sexuality and desire. 

Listen here, or find the episode wherever you get your podcasts: 

Big takeaways from the conversation:  

• Pleasure and happiness don't cure grief
• Skin hunger: dealing with desire for your deceased partner 
• Why any kind of pleasure during grief can create guilt
• What's normal when it comes to dating after death?
• The importance of personal agency, especially when loss makes you feel like you have no power in this world.
• What to do when loving a new person feels scary
• Advice for sex after death: words to live by

 

• Do you have questions about YOUR grief? Join Megan’s once a month grief support group call, where you can get answers to your questions about grief and learn what to say to people who just. don't. get. it. 
• If you want a judgment free place to explore your losses, we strongly recommend the Writing Your Grief self-guided course. More than 10,000 people have used the prompts to tell the truth about their grief. Come see. 
• If you’re trying to support a grieving friend, explore the resource library, or get customized, text-based tips through Help Texts. Use code megandevine to get $10 off.