Grief is hard any time of year, but the holidays can feel particularly brutal. Grieving people would love your help and support this holiday season. Here are some ways you might help.
If you’re grieving and you’d like some help educating friends and family on the best ways to support you, this list is for you too:
Understand that it’s OK for a person to be sad – even during the holidays: Telling someone they shouldn’t be sad only tells them that they can’t be honest with you about how they’re feeling. 
Check your foundation: When you begin with the understanding that nothing you do can make this season “good” for them, you’re off to a solid start. 
Let the grieving person lead: Don’t make assumptions about how they’re handling the holidays. If you have a concern, ask them how they feel about it, then follow their lead. 
Don’t criticize how they’re handling the holidays: The holidays are already difficult without people judging how they’re doing or telling them they aren’t being festive enough. 
Ask them what might feel good this season: They may not have an answer, but being asked is always appreciated. Remember to ASK FIRST before offering your own ideas. 
Watch your language: Reminding grieving people to be grateful isn’t helpful. Instead, meet your grieving person exactly where they are.Mirror their reality back to them. 
Share a memory: Don’t be afraid to share memories about their person. Use their name in conversation. 
Invite them out to things, but don’t force it: Include grieving people in your holiday plans and invite them out to low-key things too. Accept their answer if they say no. 
Remember that people with terminally ill loved ones are also grieving: Check in, support them, and include them in your plans. 
Raise a toast to those who are not present and say their names: Acknowledging who is missing really helps. 
For a deeper understanding of grief, read my first book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK.
For a deeper understanding of grief and to learn how to truly support people in pain (and take better care of yourself), read my first book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK – available wherever you buy books.
Read this book to gain a deeper understanding of what your grieving person is experiencing (emotionally, mentally, and physically), why our standard ideas about grief and supporting it aren’t accurate or useful, learn how to truly help others, and how to take better care of yourself.
Remember: There is no right or wrong way to do the holiday season. It’s important to reach out & connect. It’s OK to be feel awkward. You don’t need to be perfect, just present.
Looking for gift ideas for your grieving person? We’ve got you. Check out our Grievers’ Gift Guide.
Be sure to share this post, friends. Helping people get better at supporting others requires a community effort. Most people want to help, they just aren’t sure how. By sharing this post (and others from the RIG archives), we help everyone get better at delivering the love and support they intend.
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