how to carry what can’t be fixed: a new journal for grief

Grief books that don’t try to fix you or cheer you up are pretty hard to find. It’s been 4 years since my first book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK came out. That book is still tops on best seller lists, reaching more people who need it every day with its no platitudes, no cliches approach to grief. I’m thrilled to announce that my new book – How to Carry What Can’t be Fixed: a guided journal for grief – is available now. Pre-order it wherever you get your books (and look here for links to various sellers). It hits bookstores – and your mailbox! – on May 18th. Read on for details and a lot more resources for grief.


Some things cannot be fixed.
But they can be carried.
This journal will help you figure out how.


Because we don’t talk about grief very often, lots of people aren’t sure if what they’re feeling is normal. Friends and family who want to help don’t really know how. Both of my books are great resources to learn what’s normal inside grief and learn better, more effective coping skills for dealing with grief. Both books help friends and family know the right things (and the wrong things!) to say to help a grieving friend.

The new guided journal, How to Carry What Can’t be Fixed, isn’t like most other books on grief. For starters, swearing is encouraged. There’s no enforced positivity, no platitudes, and it doesn’t wind down with a perfect happy ending. Just because grief isn’t a problem to be solved doesn’t mean you have to suffer with it, though. This journal helps you find ways to survive – while honoring your grief as a normal (if painful) extension of love.

But what if you need some of that information RIGHT NOW while you’re waiting for your books?! We’ve got you. Here’s a list of some of the top resources on the site:


  • Helping a grieving friend isn’t easy. It’s ok to be awkward – just show up anyway. This page gives you access to basic guidelines of what to say to a grieving friend (and what not to say), including a short, adorable animation that will tell you everything you need to know to get started.
  • Grief is incredibly lonely, even when you have good people around you. Our Writing Your Grief community is filled with people just like you – people trying to make sense of things that can never make sense. I love both of my books, but tbh, the Writing Your Grief course is the best thing I’ve ever created. Come see.
  • Need resources specific to suicide? Find international support lines, articles on how to support a friend who lost someone to suicide, and information on talking to a friend who might be suicidal.

And be sure to follow @refugeingrief on social. IG is my current favorite, but you’ll find lots of resources for grief on TW and FB too. Stop on over and say hello.