How do you know when it’s the right time to make a painful decision?

There’s so much unsolicited advice and opinion floating around the grief world, it’s easy to lose track of what you actually want for yourself. Many people write to me wondering when is the “right time” to…

…remove wedding rings?
…repurpose someone’s bedroom or office?
…clean out a closets, cupboards, or the fridge?
…stop referring to them in the present tense?

The answer is simple: there is no right time.

You can’t wait for the time to feel right, because it likely never will. None of this is something you would ever CHOOSE. When you’re trying to make a decision, you can’t wait until it feels GOOD.

I like the vomit metric for making decisions: If the thought of doing something makes you feel sick, now is not the time. It will never feel GOOD. But if it makes you feel sick, now is not the time.

Alone these same lines, it’s #perfectlynormal to leave things exactly as your person left them. Evidence that they were here, that they lived, that they were part of you is important. When your life has evaporated, those touchstones become the whole world.

What you do with the things in your home or on your body is entirely up to you. You don’t have to change anything until you’re ready. Nothing is too early or too late. Never is OK too.

Nothing is too early or to too late. Use the vomit metric for any decisions you have to make and for the ones you feel like you’re *supposed* to make. You don’t have to change anything until you’re ready. You will do what you need to do when you need to do it. Not a moment before.

Find more on this topic in my book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK, and my brand new guided grief journal, How to Carry What Can’t be Fixed

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